Miriam’s Thoughts

… I still like what I do. I still think I’m lucky to do the work I do. I feel blessed that I get to do every day what I most liked about my corporate job: help people step into their careers and lives more fully, more confidently and more consciously!

In this year since I got credentialed as an Integral Master Coach, my clients have been promoted, they have changed jobs, changed lives, they got married, they ended relationships, they will be parents and they found more balance in their lives.

I don’t say it’s all due to my coaching – and I feel happy that I was there with them, holding hands, listening deeply and helping to see what has been hidden or confusing for a long time. I feel honored that I share a piece of their lives, that I get to hold and listen, that I get to challenge old believes and that I help new beliefs and ways of acting being born.

As we speak in metaphors in integral coaching: I have seen an arranging butterfly become an inspired sculptor, a considerate chameleon grow into an ingenious architect, a caring quality control system into a liberated flamenco dancer … and many more metamorphoses, changes of paths and energies.

I loved each journey, each had ist own challenges, its own edges – for my client and me. Each made me grow along with my client. Grow as a coach and grow as a human. I could see reflections of their topics in my own life, I was learning alongside them how to work with my fear, my frustration, my anger, my doubts.

Thank you for your trust, your courage and your passion, dear clients!

This is the end of year 1 for me. The year of “freedom”. The first year after I left the corporate environment that I entered in my early twenties.

How many times did I think “one day I’ll leave and just be my own boss.”? How often did I wish for more flexibility, less constraints of going to an office, of attending scheduled meetings?

To be honest, I was probably more constrained by my own ambitions to deliver things according to my standard, to be available for my team, my colleagues and my bosses than by the schedule that was imposed on me by the fact that I was employed.

So this year, how did I do with my freedom? What did I make of it?

There were definitely many days when I was grateful to work with my clients outside, to write my papers or blogposts under the trees rather than in a square office. It feels like every day, I have endless possibilities to do what I always wanted to do.

And? Well, I realize that in total I spent a lot of time going back and forth between the different things that I want to get done in a day, in a week. When I’m working at home, I can always do some laundry between two client sessions, fix something around the house or prepare for the children.
Working at home can be heaven – no distractions from people walking into the office, no coordination meetings to align an organization. I’m lucky that I can focus pretty well when I work at home and I appreciate the peace. And there’s also the other side of not being distracted: one task can follow another. No break at the coffee machine, no chat with a colleague. So in a way, I ended up being more efficient and also more in need of breaks.

I realize that it takes discipline to get rest – and to not fill the break from the computer with getting some family task done. I love reading and so my breaks can be reading. Funnily enough, most books I read these days are about coaching or some topics related to it… so, maybe that’s not a real break either?

My practice for next year: A list of 6 books that I want to read just for fun. One every 2 months. I love crime stories and that’s what I will read. a few pages every day. Promise to me.

How about you? What are things that truly relax you and that you could fit into (almost) every busy day? Also: watch out for those activities that you re-label to make them count as a break like “I enjoy pimping powerpoint presentations” or “I really like ironing”. Check if they indeed relax you or if they are merely a little change of rhythm. 

Have a good and real break over these holidays and then, have those real micro-breaks all though the year!

How are you doing during these holidays? And: WHAT are you doing during these holidays?

For me, the end of the year is the first time since I started working that it wasn’t a total rush to get everything done and get everything right, on time.

One reason is that I had no coaching exam just before Christmas like last year, no course work to deliver like 2015, no year-end project work, planning meetings, final contributions to corporate presentations etc. to deliver.

The other reason is that every day, I asked myself and my loved ones what we really want for this Christmas. My family said they could do with less fancy food – and I discovered that I actually enjoy making it. I enjoy it – and so I do not need anyone’s recognition for it. I said that I’d like to decorate a bit less – and my family said they love it so much and then did it themselves. I was ready to have it done their way and discovered that 3 kids don’t need me as much as I thought to bring a festive atmosphere into the house.

Those are just a few examples of how we tested our wishes for this holiday season. I feel how letting go of standards and assumptions about each others’ expectations is releasing tension. And this is also how we moved into the days of celebration: checking what each of us needs to feel happy and held and let go of things that we just did, because we thought that this is what we should do.

How about you? What are things that you really like about these days and what are things you could just as well not do? Are they important for any of your loved ones? how do you know?

Happy holidays and listen to what you really need and want.

It feels like this time of the year invites to look back and say thanks. I think there will be a number of posts that will do just that … after this one.

And this is one about something I am – smack – right in the middle of.

If my journey of becoming a coach has taught me one thing, it is that my path of development will continue for as long as I live and that on this path, there are always things I don’t see. So, if I want to move forward, I’ll want a guide with me who can see and make sense of what is in my blind spot.

A month or so ago, I started walking alongside my coach Renée. I was pretty clear on what I wanted to work on. I had this idea in mind of what it feels like when I’ll have progressed in my topic. And although I know what we do and how we work, I was again surprised about the layers that she uncovered in my topic, the old narratives that seemed to reach far back in my life and that seemed to drive my way of thinking until today.

And what I love most about the work with her is that in our sessions I can show up as messy and real as I am. No need to make sense. Just leaning back and letting myself be guided by her. It feels like wellness for my entire being. I can feel progress and breaking free from some old beliefs after engaging in my first practices. Like layers of assumptions coming off that obstructed my view on what really matters, on what I really want to do, how I really want to be.

Not only I can feel it! She makes my family part of my practices and I can see and feel the transformation coming alive day after day.

 

It’s great to see and feel the impact of coaching work on me and my own life! It’s reassuring and relaxing to be guided and held by a superb professional and I’m looking forward to more impactful transformation in the next months.

Thanks Renée for helping me grow and wake up!

This is it. The frantic planner inside me has realized that the end of the year approaches and that in order to not be stressed in the last days of the year I should start preparing things now. Great idea and that has me be somewhat … stressed.

It’s almost like the old machine has kicked in again. I can’t remember for how many years November and December have had this rhythm. Probably ever since I started working. Finishing things before year end and getting ready for restful family time over the holidays. So, for 20 years, always the same frenzy – why this year?

There are only few things that my new status as freelance requires me to finish for year-end. No complicated budget planning needed, now headcount targets to achieve, no strategic plan my boss wants to read over Christmas. And yet, I feel that I want to finish things for the end of the year. Is this in my DNA? Am I just reproducing old patterns? Do I just go with the rhythm of my environment? Would it be better to finish an online course a week before or after Christmas? Does it make a difference if I have all my blogposts and practices for next year planned before it starts? …

It probably does not matter that much! And maybe many things in the past years did not matter much either. It probably matters much more how I am with my kids, my clients my family. That I am not getting stressed and that I do what needs to really get done rather than shining all the plates before the 31st December – which is just any day (well, not really, because it’s my oldest daughter’s birthday, but in many regards it is just an ordinary day).

So, as a practice in theses weeks more than most other weeks in the year, when I feel my jaws tighten and the stress rise in my stomach.When I think “just finish this. Quickly. Today”. Then, I’ll pause for an instant, take a deep breath and ask myself “does it really matter if it gets done today?”. And you? Why not practice along with me and maybe let me know how you do?